067 - New Names for Fish
From the guy who named them.
In the late 1900s an American seafood wholesaler named Lee Lantz decided to rename the Patagonian toothfish to be more marketable and delicious sounding. Lee Lantz struck underwater gold with one of the all-time greatest fish sobriquets, Chilean sea bass. Chilean sea bass is a delicate, elegant, and decadent sounding fish name. Sales skyrocketed.
Today, many fishermen are looking to do the same thing with many other poorly named yet edible fish. With such rampant overfishing of the more popular and well-named fishes, the peddling of lesser fishes has become imperative.
So, many of the world’s leading fishermen and fish wholesalers banded together and hired a freelance copywriter from NYC who recently won a Grand Prix Titanium Lion at Cannes for his work on DoorDash’s “DoorDash All The Ads” campaign, to rename a bunch of fish for them.
“We need the next ‘Chilean sea bass,’” they said. “In fact, we need the next 17 ‘Chilean sea basses.’”
“Ok,” I said, and I started naming fish:
Monkfish is now… Diving Ace
Bream/ Porgies is now… Alluvion Surge
Nordic Wolffish is now… Costal Chilean Splash
Squab is now… Gilded Spray
Mantis Shrimp is now… Surfed Freshet
Escolar is now… Calypso de Chile
Northern Pufferfish is now… Southern Largess
Hagfish is now… Bathed Exquisite
Haddock is now… Chilean Razor Marquise
Walleye is now… Honeyed Frau
Catfish is now… Diamond Loch
Carp is now… Royal Submariner
Snakehead is now… Chilean Pearl
Cod is now… Jumping Dulcet
Hake is now… Seined Handsome
Grey Mullet is now… Golden Bangs
Skate is now… Kissed Chilean Beauty
If you’ve never experienced a symphony of fishermen chortling with effervescent glee, I can assure you it is a natural wonder of the world. Put it high on your bucket list.
I hope you’ll order some of these incredible aquatic options next time you’re hankering for fish. And, if you are ever looking for a freelance copywriter, I am currently available for hire. I know what I’m worth, and now so do you.